I'm ranting a little bit....

My marriage isn't perfect.  I've never claimed it was.  We are going through a particularly hard season right now, and I'm praying it's not a season like a Texas summer (5/6th of the year long and dryer than morning snot).  I realize that the curse of man makes my desire for my husband but he will rule over me.  People keep pointing me to Ephesians 5.  Ok.  I've read it.  I've prayed over it.  I've STUDIED it.  Here's the thing....

1. Submission is mutual: Ephesians 5:21 says we should submit to each other in the fear of God. This is a dual command, and should be practiced among Christians regardless of marriage relationship.

2. Wifely Submission is Commanded: Eph. 5:22-23 says women should submit to their husbands AS they submit to the Lord. If a woman is not submissive to her husband, probably she needs to be held accountable by other women or married couples to her submission to the Lord. If we (as women) believe we are "entitled to be obeyed", we probably aren't submitting to the Lord as He has commanded. Find yourself an accountability partner and GET IN PRAYER. GET IN THE WORD. Get with JESUS.

3. Feelings do matter, but they CAN'T rule: I think (and you know my struggles personally) that many women FEEL (and that can be a dangerous word) loved when their husbands say he will do X and then does, or when shes asked him to do x and then he does. It isn't so much about being "obeyed", its about feeling loved. Ephesians 5 goes on to tell husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. This is an agape love. This is sacrificial love. Its sacrificing time, energy, money...but mostly SELF. Jesus gave HIMSELF, and trust me, he wasn't comfortable. If you aren't comfortable loving your wife the way she needs to be love, CHECK YOURSELF. Women, if you husband is bending over backwards to meet your needs, NOTICE IT. Maybe you need to decrease so your marriage can increase (John 3:30)?

4. Men aren't Large and In Charge: Men (and this is a VERY BIG GENERALIZATION) in the Christian Church, and in general, have stopped being Christian leaders in their home. God gives a hierarchy which has been sorely upset in our culture (1st Cor 11:3). God intends man to submit to the God Head, then the wife to submit to the husband and God, then children and employees to follow. When there is no spiritual leader in the home because the husband does not submit himself to the God Head, there is an incorrect hierarchy.

5. We're not Nagging. For real: I'm really tired of men saying women nag. Read Proverbs. Unless you're ready to move to the attic, or you'd rather undergo Chinese Water Torture than listen to your wife, she's probably not "nagging". There is an underlying idea that women who ask their husband to do something more than once, or in a certain way, or has EXPECTATIONS for her husband is a nag. God calls us to be ACCOUNTABLE to each other in marriage. Iron on Iron as my husband should be my best friend. When I ask something of my husband, I'm not asking him to OBEY, I'm asking him to be accountable as my spiritual leader, spiritual partner, equal yolk, and sharpening tool. If you think I'm nagging, CHECK YOURSELF as a spiritual leader, then TALK WITH ME about our expectations in our marriage.

6. It's help MEET, not help MATE. Learn your Hebrew. : Women need to give up this "feminism" crap. I'm not created to be the same as a man. If I were created the same, there would be no purpose FOR man, and THAT is NOT what God intended. Also, Chruch, we're not a helpMATE, helper, companion, we're a help MEET. Help, in this sense is an Ezer. It's used 21 times in the KJV, and generally describes God as a savior to His people in war. Kenegdo is only used ONCE. One time. In the Bible. And it is to describe Eve/woman/wife. We are special. Unique. NOT men. Stop trying to be them and embrace who God made YOU to be.

7. Last one, I promise...WOMEN, GET OVER IT : So, I'm reading about women in the Bible, and I'm reading about women's roles and attitudes, and what not, and I come across Proverbs 31. I've read it before, I've quoted it before. Read it real quick. It'll take 5 minutes. Now, please note who helps her through the field buying and oil lamp using and clothing of her household.....wait for it.....NO ONE. She just does it. it's her job. Her husband, if you notice, is NOT WITH HER. Your job....MY JOB....is to submit to my husband REGARDLESS of if I feel loved, if my husband performs as the spiritual head, or if I want to.

There is Power in the Struggle

My family comes under scrutiny at times.  We aren't super conventional.  We go about things a different way.  My mother has told me "we live in our own little world", and I have to agree with her accuracy.  We live in a different world.  We live in a world of accountability.  We live in a world of responsibility.  We live in a world of failure, and failure being ok.  We do this because there is power in the struggle.

My kids don't have everything they want.  They share rooms.  This is unfair and unjust, I hear.  They "need" their space.  They are "entitled" to privacy.  I STRONGLY disagree.  I can't think of a time in their lives when they won't have to share space.  They will have room mates in college, or a lot of room mates if they choose to join the military.  Then they will have house mates while they figure life out.  Ultimately, they will probably have a spouse and kids.  There is no privacy.  there is no space.  There is coping and shifting.  There is struggle with relationship and communication.  There is power in the struggle.

Gannon doesn't have a phone.  At seven years old, he doesn't have a phone.  This is unfair and unjust, I hear.  He "needs" to be able to communicate.  "Times are changing" I hear.  Times aren't changing so much that my seven year old needs a phone.  Where in the world is he going to be, at seven years old, that an adult with a phone won't be within arms distance?  Why do I wan't to text my seven year old son at school?  I'm supposed to be at work, and he's supposed to be learning, NOT on his phone.  No phone means talking, board games, art projects, trampolines, and being different.  Different is a struggle, but there is POWER in the struggle.

My kids don't get paid for chores.  This is unfair and unjust, I hear.  I don't get paid for my chores.  No one hands me a five dollar bill and tells me what a good job I've done when the electricity stays on every month.  I don't get a pat on the back when there is breakfast food available.  When my kids don't get their chores done, they are yelled at.  What do you think happens if the electricity is disconnected, or there isn't food?  No one would say, "It's ok.  I know how busy you are.  We'll get it back on in the next few days...."  Chores are a struggle, and discipline is a struggle.  Working together to make the house run smoothly as a family is a STRUGGLE, but there is POWER in the struggle!

My parents taught me that I don't need the best of the best of the best, SIR.  My parents taught me to work for what I have, to trust God and do the right thing.  They also taught me that even then, there is struggle.  Life isn't fair.  It isn't right sometimes (and there is a difference between fair and right).  My parents taught me that money isn't everything, and that failure is inevitable and OK.  My parents taught me that it isn't the NUMBER of friends, but the QUALITY of friends that counts.  My kids don't have playdates every day.  Their biggest struggle is in our family relationship, but there is SO much POWER in that STRUGGLE!

If a butterfly doesn't struggle out of its cocoon, it will be a wet slop of an insect that can't fly on it's own.  That butterfly is the 24 year old kid that can't pay their own cell phone bill because their parents have always done that for them.  That butterfly will never be appreciated for the beauty of its color, because that butterflies wings are underdeveloped.  They probably believe that they are ENTITLED to fly, that it is their RIGHT.

I    SAY    NO!

Struggle through the hard times, and when you need to fly, you will and it will be breath taking and beautiful.  Struggle through and you will have success.  Not in everything, but you will have success.  You will have independence.  You will have an identity outside of me.

Alia, Gannon, Siri and Annika, I love you enough to let you struggle...because you need to be able to fly on your own.  My beautiful beautiful children, there is POWER in your struggle!