...but the I listed to a sermon Pastor Zak. DARN BIBLICAL TRUTHS! He said that their family enjoys family time instead of extra curricular activities....and then I started thinking. Anyone who knows me knows that is a dangerous thing.
I started noticing some patterns between Gordon and my tendency to be work-a-holics and our kids activities. I saw gymnastics as our only extracurricular activity, but looking deeper into things, thats not the truth. They go to church with Gordon and I two days a week to volunteer, they have school, playdates, homework, chores at home, summer vacations and more I'm sure I'm forgetting!
MY KIDS ARE OVERBOOKED!
So I googled "are extracurricular activities bad?"
Here's what I found:
NO, they aren't, but too many are. Check out this page from Psychology Today and tell me what you
think. Here are a few snippits to get you started:
"Time to Play in a Natural, Creative Way
Unstructured play allows children to pursue their interests, express their personalities and learn how to structure their time. Play is the natural mode of learning for young children, but when their lives are dominated by adult-organized activities, there may be little time left to just be kids.
Family Relationships
Children need downtime with parents -- time to relax, talk, read, play games and just hang out. Families that are constantly running from one extracurricular activity to the next have little opportunity for these experiences.
think. Here are a few snippits to get you started:
"Time to Play in a Natural, Creative Way
Unstructured play allows children to pursue their interests, express their personalities and learn how to structure their time. Play is the natural mode of learning for young children, but when their lives are dominated by adult-organized activities, there may be little time left to just be kids.
Family Relationships
Children need downtime with parents -- time to relax, talk, read, play games and just hang out. Families that are constantly running from one extracurricular activity to the next have little opportunity for these experiences.
Why do we push so hard?
The truth is, most parents have good intentions. They enroll their children in activities because they want them to have a rich, happy childhood. They sacrifice their own time to make sure their children are at practices and competitions. Of course, these parents love their children, and the last thing they would want is for them to feel stressed."
Long story short, we quit gymnastics. I would LOVE to hear what you think about this, so leave comments. I know for us, roasting marshmallows and making S'Mores in the driveway beats gymnastics!
The truth is, most parents have good intentions. They enroll their children in activities because they want them to have a rich, happy childhood. They sacrifice their own time to make sure their children are at practices and competitions. Of course, these parents love their children, and the last thing they would want is for them to feel stressed."
Long story short, we quit gymnastics. I would LOVE to hear what you think about this, so leave comments. I know for us, roasting marshmallows and making S'Mores in the driveway beats gymnastics!
Hey its Mercedes! and i know were not parents yet but victor and i have played sports our entire life I've done it all cheer, gymnastics, tumbling, soccer, ect. and Victor has played his variety of sports as well but mostly stuck with basketball. Victor got a scholarship to University of Tennessee Martin to play basketball..it was his dream! i loved going to gymnastics, cheerleading, and soccer we've played on sports teams since we were 4 and both continued those same sports all the way through high school and Victor like i said even into College but we both still had family time, game nights, Friday pizza and movie nights, time for friends (friends from sports, school, and church), went to church, and school..we has plenty of time to be kids..and i think part of being a kid is finding things you love..i sure did quit a lot of sports but then i tried something else and the two sports i never stopped playing from 5-18 are soccer and gymnastics/cheer and i still love playing sports with friends or family or just tossing a soccer ball around. i think that if you limit their time to maybe once a week and then set aside family time for the weekend or pizza night Fridays and game night Saturdays they will still be able to have time for family, God, friends, school and doing something that they as individuals are interested in doing..it shows them how to be fair, wait their turn, play well with others, make new friends, and find out who they are and what they like to do! Victor and i are firm believers in sports..if you're wanting that bonding family time stay and watch them interact, ask the coach if you can help in anyway, my dad literally taught almost every soccer team i played on all the way up to 8th grade and i loved it! i didn't get special attention but i was proud of my dad (who almost went pro in soccer but instead joined the army) and he is still so good at soccer and loves it to this day and plays around with me, Maddi and Bennett showing us cool tricks and he also played in college so who cares if they only played up to college but ended up joining the army instead or just became a mom..sports made me, my husband, my dad who we are today! I've actually been thinking about Victor and i joining a team together like volleyball or something on the weekends..so its still breathing in me even at 22! and i can't wait to share stories, trophies, tricks to our kids and i guarantee victor will be coaching our kids basketball teams and ill be the awesome soccer or basketball mom who brings the snacks and yells louder then any parent out there! if you were forcing the kids to play just to get them out of your hair (like some parents do) then that would be a problem but if the kids are showing interest in something i say let them explore it and see what it's like, learn from it (teamwork, waiting their turn ect.) and then have them apply that to their life and you get to see your kids excited that they accomplish something on their own like walking the beam, doing a cartwheel, hanging on the bars! it's exciting! and kids are already forced to go to school so its fun to let them decide how they want to spend their time..sports, art, music, ect. Alia plays an instrument is there a difference in music and gymnastics..she has to practice and goes to band (yes in school hours but still) she was able to choose what she was interested in and Siri, Gannon, and Annika should be able to express themselves in the same way :) good luck miss you guys
ReplyDeleteNo, I totally hear you. Like I said, I don't think ALL extracurriculars are bad, but when they start to cause things like peopleofthecarb stated as "Leave the House Trauma" *see "Almost" post*, I think its time to cut back and re-evaluate. We don't have 2 kids, we have 4, and Alia has to take band, she would choose not to. We make her take it because she DOESN"T participate in a lot of the other things our family does like church volunteering and playdates. She would like to seclude herself and do art. Growing up, she did every sport known to man, and dropped out of literally almost every one with several broken bones because it wasn't "her thing". I am just saying that at some point, a family needs to evaluate their involvement, read the article, and see how it is affecting their family.
DeleteI'm with you! When our children were little, we intentionally restricted their extra-curriculars. I read many books (especially those by William Doherty) to help me sell Thad:) I found the only time I seemed to get into battles with my children was during Leave the House Trauma. The rest of our time was relatively peaceful - and mind you - I homeschooled! More time at home was definitely better for us.
ReplyDeleteWhen they did do activities, it was with a recreational program (like soccer) or I'd hire a local teenager to teach dance/gymnastics/etc. in my house. We had people to our house constantly and the kids played at the homes of their friends. I wanted them to have time to get and be bored, brew and resolve conflict, and, to paraphrase Anna Quinlan, engage in the endlessly fascinating task of looking for split ends.
It was awesome and I have no regrets.
But, now that they are older (11, 14, and 16) I see the value of extra-curriculars. For my two older children, the structure and fullness of the schedule, I hope, will prepare them for the adult world of time management. Since Thomas is homeschooled alone (our last year - ::sniff::) his extracurriculars get him out of the house and moving around.
While I miss those endless days, and I joke that I am living the life I swore I never would - with dinner at 8:30 p.m. and the more-than-occasional trip through the drive through - I am savoring these frenetic times. We still have family night (most weeks:), and I still spend alone time with each child (although it is mostly in the car:). I am no longer connecting with my children through shared nature experiences at the park or new knowledge obtained at the zoo. Our conversations revolve around their lives and their problems and their questions as they strive to figure out who God made them to be.
This is also awesome.
It's just different than it used to be, and I'm ok with that.
Whatever you decide to do with the 168 hours per week God gives each of you, be intentional. Pray. And, then go for it!
Debbie, you have my utmost respect! Thanks for sharing what worked for you, and you are 100% right, be prayerful and then act :)
DeleteOh, I forgot my old blogger name was People of the Carb. This is Debbie Long, btw:)
ReplyDeleteI think this all depends on families and children. Extra curriculars and not really always a good idea for younger children. But as they get older, it teaches them things like teamwork and responsibility outside things they do at home. There are also plenty of extra curriculars that are not sports and some that even foster learning and "thinking out of the box" and you need to find what works best for your child. Can you overbook your child? Yes. That is where the leaving the house trauma comes in. That's when parents need to step back and evaluate what is going on. That being said, if my child enjoys an activity and it doesn't interfere with our church time or education, I'm not going to stop them from doing it. Not to mention, true extra curriculars should be total family involvement, which would count as family time together.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you that it should be total family involvement. I know in our family though, it is often me taking the kids for the first half, then him taking over the second half so that we can fit work in, then we both feel dumped on, the kids don't get the attention they need, and I'm pissed at him or he's pissed at me for scheduling/not scheduling our selves well enough. If the parents aren't in agreement over times/activities, things need to change. There have been numerous times that I took Gannon to soccer practice, only to have Gordon skip the games because he didn't want to drag all 4 kids at 0800 when I had to sleep from working the night before (we quit soccer), or I have to wake up early to get kids ready for gymnastics so that he can meet me there to take over watching one or the other. Thats just our family though. I guess with a family of 6, we learn the "thinking outside the box" with things like...grocery shopping and getting an oil change LOL! YOu are right that it all depends on the families and children. I was just sharing my opinion for us :)
Delete