Maternity Ward

Pregnancy is a time of joy for a woman.  There is anticipation of new life, excitement, tiny outfits, and blankets.  When I was pregnant with Gannon, my first, I was thrilled.  My husband touched my belly to feel his son move, we got the nursery ready, and we had joy.
My pregnancy with Siri was similar.  We had total joy without reservation, trusting that everything would be OK, and they were.  She was perfect.
After Siri, we suffered a loss early in pregnancy.  I was shaken more than Gordon was, but it was early, and we knew that 50% of pregnancies end in early loss, but we trusted God and tried again.
Our early loss was in July of 2010.  Things went down hill horrifically from there.  We had a second trimester loss of a little boy which was devastating from start to finish, but I won't bore you with those details.  This is about the things Gannon has said and done.
After that loss, we became pregnant again, February 2011.  We were seeing a terrific group of midwives, a dynamite perinatologist, but had fear.  Pregnancy isn't supposed to revolve around fear.  For our peace of mind, we rented a Doppler heart rate monitor so that we could check for life on a daily basis.  This is not how you are supposed to experience pregnancy.
March 31, we went and saw our specialist.  20 weeks, and it was a boy and he was doing beautifully!  We named him Seth after Genesis 4:25.
Gannon was thrilled to be a brother!  He was planning how to decorate his bedroom.  June 2nd, the planning stopped.  There was no heart beat.  We looked everywhere over my swollen belly for the sound of that sweet cadence, but there was nothing.  We called the midwives, checked into the hospital at at 7:35 on June 3rd, I delivered our beautiful, sweet baby, born sleeping.

I was devastated.  My heart literally broke.  Gordon didn't know what to do with me, or his grief since I left him to deal with the other kids.  There is nothing to do with a woman who goes to the hospital to have a baby and leaves with a box.  Somehow, Gannon knew.
I know most of the things on this are silly, humorous things he had done, but I want to show you a side of that little boy that will give you a different perspective.

Gannon snuggled me, and snuggled me and snuggled me.  "Are you sad about baby Seth?' he would ask when I laid in bed crying.  "Don't cry, mommy!  You are beautiful!"  He prayed with me.  He prayed that we would see baby Seth in heaven, and he listed to Revelation Song, and he told me that our babies were in heaven with Jesus singing "Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty!"  I understand that it is not the job of a little boy to be an emotional piller for a grown up, and I don't think he knew he was.  Gannon always knows the things to say that help me know there is still purity in the world.  That despite everything that is ugly, and hateful, and extreme, there is an innocent little boy that wants his mommy to be ok.

In reading about his quirky antics and his humerous pieces, his words are beautiful and healing as well. Thank you, Gannon, and happy 2nd heaven birthday, sweet baby Seth!


P.S. when baby Annika was born and Gannon got to meet his baby sister, the first the he said was "Is she breathing?"  What do you say to that!?!?!?!